


Night City Holliday

by ciceroskulksabout



Category: Cyberpunk 2077 (Video Game)
Genre: Corpo V (Cyberpunk 2077), F/M, Other, this is really just a character journal, was asked to put this up
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-25
Updated: 2021-03-05
Packaged: 2021-03-16 09:16:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 28
Words: 8,383
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29698359
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ciceroskulksabout/pseuds/ciceroskulksabout
Summary: A character journal for my fallen corpo V: Line Holliday formerly known as Viper.  Her struggles, triumphs, and utterly shit path through Night City--the place you never seem to be able to leave.
Relationships: Viktor Vector/Female V, much later - Relationship, potential poly later
Kudos: 12





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is entirely self indulgent, as it's meant to be. Each chapter is one entry just to keep things neat and tidy--which will make it much longer than it seems.

Hello self, it's been a minute, hasn't it?

A lot has happened. I wish therapists were still a thing. I could use someone to talk to now and then, a neutral third party.

My boss wanted me to put a hit on his boss and must have told someone, in some way, as our entire team got shafted. Not just fired, blackballed from ever working in our fields ever again.

That meant I lost my home. My medical care--which meant dad lost his too. So did Lydia. He was sick. Without treatment, he died. It feels so cold, but it's true. It's been a while.

Thank god for Jackie and his mother. They took us in without a second thought. Lydia was only three at the time and I had no idea what to say to this baby. No idea what to do. I had never wanted kids, but there I was--a mother figure to my baby sister at 29. She hadn't even started school yet.

Mama Welles helped me so much. I had my own grief to wrestle with and a wealth of cyberware to replace or get rid of. So much of me was useless, dead metal, the meat parts too.

I'll always be grateful to Vik for helping me out. Someone of the dead 'ware could have started leaking all sorts of nastiness if left alone too long. Like my cyberdeck. Christ, he found me the best model he could and let me pay him back. I don't think I've hugged someone so hard in my life. The guy literally saved my life, no two ways about it.

He worked on me while Misty taught my then four year old sister to read tarot. Runes too. Lydia still likes the runes better--she gets to shake them in a bag then read whatever 'wants to talk'.

I can't and won't be mad at that. How can I be? Lydia had a village to catch her so she never had to fall. My job is less than legal now, but it keeps the lights on. I'm think about moving out. I'm thinking about moving out and letting Lydia stay in Heywood. It's safe for her here.

My work is so unstable, no set schedule, no telling if I'm coming home at all. She's starting school soon. Mama Wells and I have touched on the subject. *Barely*.

I'm not the mothering type, even if I love her, would do anything for her. Is this me wanting freedom or wanting what's best for Lydia? Can it be both?

I can't tell.


	2. Chapter 2

Mama and I still haven’t gotten up the nerve to talk about my moving out, though we both know it’s coming. I’ve been looking at places, maybe have found one in Kabuki. It’ll be like when dad was alive and it was just him and Lydia while I worked myself to death.

Okay--even I know how stupid that sounds. She was a toddler when dad died. Now she’s starting school and the only way I know how to earn puts her at risk. Mama Welles too. Some day, someone will be brave enough to fuck about in Valentino Land.

So do I find another desk and scrape by or do I carry on? If ever I needed fatherly advice, it would be now.

But then I wouldn’t be facing this fucking dilemma in the first place. Fucking hell! If I ever get a shot at my old boss, I may just take it.

It’s not like I was a stranger to wet work before or after the corpworld. Not that it will solve anything, but it might let him spirit and mine rest a little easier.


	3. Chapter 3

Work is a little more stable now. I have regular clients with regular needs. Doesn’t make the scheduling any simpler, but I’ve been able to focus more on housing. First place was entirely too close to the news Tyger Claws club--I’m grateful for the delay as I’d prefer not to tangle with any of them. Bastards, a solid 93% of them.

I shouldn’t judge them too harshly. Some are decent. A lot of them joined because they had no other options. Corp wouldn’t take them so they went where someone would. That’s every gang, every group, that’s why they spring up everywhere.

I even have clients in gangs. Mostly via fixers, but I’m not an idiot. In most things, or so I’d like to let myself believe. There’s no way to make a living in Night City without dealing with at least a few of the gangs.

Finally talked to Mama about the situation. She doesn’t want us to leave--and then she got that it would be me doing the leaving. That was a stickier conversation.

I’m not the mothering kind to begin with and I don’t see that developing at all if forced. I wouldn’t want Lydia to stumble through my failings. Nevermind that with my jobs and skill set I can’t give her anything even remotely resembling stability. Not what she deserves and needs.

Eventually, we agreed. Mama would take Lydia, give her the life she deserves and needs. I don’t vanish from her life. My new place now has to be ready for her to spend the night now and then.

Which I do want. I love that kid so much, I can’t just leave her hanging. I won’t.


	4. Chapter 4

Been a while since I last found this ratty old book. Kinda funny that I still have all those nice ink pens I started collecting when I had the means. The ink likes to bleed but I don’t mind.

Found a nice place, still in Kabuki but on a less Tyger infested street. I can see the round market from my lone window, I almost feel like I’m keeping an eye on the place. I’ve dropped a number of would be ne’er do wells from that window and security feeds. It’ll take them a while to figure shit out, but they’re leaving the vendors alone for now.

I shouldn’t be so reckless. This has to stay a safe place for Lydia to visit. Part of me wants to find a way to do both, but that’s both reckless and stupid.

I’m taking the day to relax and clean. Little sis is coming this weekend instead of me going to Heywood for the weekend. It’s the first time. Have to pretend like I haven’t gone semi feral in my isolative occupation.

Is isolative even a word? Can’t seem to spell it anyways.


	5. Chapter 5

Starting to realize just how much I miss Lydia. The weekend went well--maybe even amazing.

But it did highlight the fact that I maybe should have sucked it up and stayed in Heywood a while longer. Whatever I feel, it’s done now and I know if I go back, I won’t leave.

I even cried over Lydia’s stuffed bunny, she left it in the bathroom for some reason. I drove all the way back to Heywood (second time that day) just to give it back to her. Fuck, I feel kinda guilty that I can’t even remember it’s name. I don’t want to know--a way to keep my distance, I think.

I still don’t understand why I’m fighting it all so hard. What life am I attempting to preserve?

Fuck, if I’m still asking myself that I need to do a physical job with Jackie. Get some iron in my hands and remind myself of exactly how dangerous my life is on a consistent basis. Being a netrunner is more dangerous in a lot of way, people don’t have to see you to hit you.

I would like nothing more than to put it all down and just live, but the only way that’s happening is via Sugar Daddy. Frankly, I’m not that type of person and never have been. Kinda wish I wasn’t so fucking proud some days, life might be a touch easier


	6. Chapter 6

Turns out I didn’t need to do a job to get reminded of just how fucked this city is. I went to the center of the fucking city. Not 99% Land. Not 1% Land. .0001% Land. Just picking up a few parts for my next round of cyberware upgrades and the fucking Valentinos and Tyger Claws just started going at it in broad daylight. It was a good twenty minutes before NCPD even bothered to show up and by then, it was over.

It was over because I made sure it was over, just a mess to clean up and a few survivors to question and maybe toss in a cell. All without touching a one of them--but some of the survivors might have seen me and now I’m fucking paranoid. If I’ve learned anything, it’s that it’s best to assume the worst and be prepared, then pleasantly surprised when shit doesn’t always hit the fan.

I may be making a trip out the Badlands for some Nomad tech. When it comes to stealth, there is no one better--even if Arasaka has some amazing top secret shit that somehow makes it way out into the streets (“somehow” isn’t really all that complicated). Still, I’ll ask Vik. He may have something for me. A plug, a contact, or just to come with me and promptly have an aneurysm over the conditions. He was able to get me a set of Lynx Paws and the only known quantity to even occasionally have them in Night City is that scumbag Fingers. I fucking hate that guy. Someone’s gonna put him down one day and no one will mourn him… Except maybe the ones that he helps. ‘Helps’ for a slice of their souls. There’s enough cyberware in him that I could probably flatline him and no one would notice. Food for thought.

I wonder if there’s a way to blend the paws with reinforced tendons? Something to ask Vik.

Or fortified ankles. One step from flight and stealth? I could expand and spend a little more time in the real world.

Active camo and leg mods?

Sounds like I'm ready to jump into the merc pile, a dime a dozen in Night City only far cheaper.

And this is why I left Heywood. I’m selfish. Self hate commencing…


	7. Chapter 7

Note to self: scroll the next time I ask Vik about Nomad tech. It’s like I broke the man, did a system reset and then he told me what a gonk idea it was.

Buuuuut could he stop me?

Fuck no.

The eventual compromise came to me purchasing said implant but allowing him to do the actual implanting. In his clinic. And the sterilizing. So much sterilizing. I am apparently the reason he has a bald spot forming.

Then I did a stupid and said, without thinking, kthat I could always take him out to dinner for his trouble. The worst part? The gonk said YES!

Queue my panic mode--which must’ve been hilarious cause he couldn’t stop laughing.

So yeah. After I get the implant and he scrubs the hell out of it, I’m taking my favorite ripper out for dinner.

Should be casual, but I did say he could pick the place since he’s doing me yet another favor.

Oh for fuck’s sake, calm the fuck down Line! It’s not like a marriage proposal or even a hint of nude activities involved in this damned meal!


	8. Chapter 8

None of what was what I expected. In hindsight, I should’ve seen it coming but I wandered in blind as a fucking bat. Vik seemed to enjoy throwing me off balance and really, I enjoyed it too.

He picked the place, I picked up the tab and him--and he had the gall to say I was dressed waaaay too nice (turns out, I was. Like holy fuck, a pencil skirt and heels was way too nice). We didn’t even eat in an actual restaurant, Vik had arranged for takeout, sent me in, and was already in the driver’s seat of my perma dented rattler. One day, I may actually upgrade to an actual rustbucket, but that would involve me making enough to buy it outright. Still, Jackie is the only other person I’ve let drive my car--making Vik a very special man, indeed.

He drove us out towards Pacifica, to which I responded with ‘a look’. His words, not mine, but I definitely did give him a look as any self respecting, quasi legal netrunner that does NOT have a deathwish steers clear of the Voodoo Boys’ territory. Definitely didn’t seem to bother him as he parked at the old mall that never was and got out.

Turns out they host some pretty high profile illegal fights in there.

I still can’t decide if this was a date or not. I definitely don’t have the balls to ask him.

We found a spot with a good view and just relaxed and watched the fights. I can’t remember the last time I just went and sat with no agenda, no motive, no task at hand. Just me, Vik, good food, and what I assume was a good match. I know nothing about boxing and Vik was happy to tell me a thing or two.

Let's be honest, it was more like a running commentary on the ins and outs of boxing.

The last time I had any kind of outing like this, the dude couldn’t keep his hands to himself and ended up with a black eye from me and a broken nose from the pole he ran into while chasing me. I decided then that if this was the available dating pool, I was just fine visiting joytoys and dolls to get my rocks off.

Still, fuck if I know what’s going on anymore. I just know I had a nice time with a good friend.

Even if I was panicking about it beforehand.


	9. Chapter 9

For as freaked out as I was about dinner, it feels rather anticlimactic to just have nothing happen. I suppose I should address an utterly obvious crush I’ve developed on Vik. I’m left to wonder--would he have taken anyone to the fights? Especially that this was his thank you dinner. He could have picked anywhere and anything, yet he wanted (admittedly good) takeout and to watch the fights.

I’m going to agonize over this for a while, then likely not see Vik until I can run out to Dakota for the implant. Should be getting the call any day now. Until then, just work, work, work.


	10. Chapter 10

Days turned into a week, but I finally got the call. Dakota directed me to the Aldecaldo’s camp for a pick up. Fixers never want to dip their toes in. Can’t blame them, they all clawed their way up and out of the muck.

Now they all sit up high on their thrones of mud, bodies, and eddies.

I clearly have no feelings on the matter. No, none at all!

Jackie was kind enough to go with me--borrowed Pepe’s truck too. I felt bad for that lovely paintjob, but I’m sure we can work something out. Jack didn’t want me going alone and my car nor his bike could make the trip off road.

The exchange went smoothly. Just show up, find the ripper, meet with the big guy, Saul Bright, transfer funds, back in the truck with the implant sitting on my lap. DIdn’t think it would be that smooth either.

At this rate, I’m used to needing to flash some iron or quickhack to hell and back.

Back home and about to crawl into the shower to rehydrate and cool off.

Tomorrow, I’ll take it to Vik and we’ll see if it’ll work with my current tech… And bug him about the lynx paw hybrid idea.

If I keep it up, I’m probably getting charged more.

Worth it.


	11. Chapter 11

Been a minute, but entirely due to Line being a busy bitch. Healing and adapting to active camo was insane! The amount of times I’ve accidentally activated this implant is laughable. The best one was when I was brushing my teeth. Just POOF! No more Line but half a toothbrush still sticking out of nowhere.

Had to adjust the settings so many times, basically, I’ve been at home while I get used to this new thing and ability of mine.

Jackie has a gig lined up next week. Sounded fairly simple and gathering intel has been easy. Almost unnecessary, but I never like going into a job unprepared. How simple it seems makes me nervous. Yes, humans can really be that straightforward--until we’re not. Hopefully, this goes as well as it seems it will.

Then again, the job also came from Wakako, which leaves me having doubts. Such doubts


	12. Chapter 12

Job went well and instead of putting me at ease, I’m even more suspicious. Jack went in the front. I went through the roof. He caused a ruckus and gave me plenty of time to get the data shards along with some extra goodies for our trouble. All in all, the job went too well. I’m expecting some kid to show up Inigo Montoya style and demand a duel.

It’s still, but then it really isn’t. Not in Night City at least. This is a place built on broken dreams and grudges.

I think my anxiety stems from the immediate part two Wakako gave us. Had barely enough time to toss the gear in the trunk and transmit the data. We made a necessary stop for a light snack and hydration (it’s been fucking hot lately), then we were off again. Good money, but fuck did I just want to grab a bite with my best choom and relax a while.

Regardless, it’s hard not to worry over much with Jackie Welles dragging you everywhere. We had just finished and he says “Hey hermana, Mama’s making sopes and Pepe has a new homebrew he wants us to try”. Good food, good booze? Yeah, it was a no brainer--just so long as I could shower before the party started. I had blood in random places.

At the Coyote, the whole family seemed to bet there. Including the extended family. Pepe’s wife came and brought their son, Tony. He’s Lydia’s new best friend, they’re even in the same class. I think even Orta’s boys showed up. We ate, we drank, we danced, we laughed. Even Misty came by after closing up shop. Mama played nice but she had the ‘babies’ to keep her occupied. I tried not to notice as it’s not my business but someone’s gonna have to set Mama straight one of these days. I have a feeling it’s going to be me, because I can’t keep my mouth shut.

I did a better job of pretending not to notice Vik, but with a great big smile, I ended up in a heavyweight’s bear hug.

My back popped.

My neck cracked.

I told him if he let go I was going to fall the fuck down.

So he held me aloft until my feet would cooperate and FUCK if it wasn’t nice.

Viktor Vector confuses the ever living fuck outta me.

So I did the only thing available to me: more drinks, more dancing.

Just a blurry night made warm with good company and good drinks. Hence why I’m still in Heywood and uploading to my private server remotely.


	13. Chapter 13

The Heywood overnight ended up being several nights and I’m glad I stayed a while. Most of my work can be done remotely, provided I have a chair and a quiet place to work. Jackie’s garage was perfect--turns out the couch was an acceptable temporary substitute. Two days tops though--my neck still feels awful.

It was all worth it to pick up Lydia from school and make her breakfast in the morning. I miss her, I’m just good at ducking my head down and grinding myself into work related dust. Maybe I should have stayed, maybe going was the better option. All I know is that I made my choice and I get to live with it. I’m just glad that I didn’t manage to slam any of those doors shut, in spite of me very much wanting to.

Still not the mothering kind, but I’m a good sister. Though Mama is trying to convince me otherwise.

That was only a matter of time before she decided it was time for me to mommy up.

I’m back home now and so grateful to avoid a very stubborn and likely loud conversation that Lydia definitely would have fucking seen or at least heard. She doesn’t need that.


	14. Chapter 14

Finally got to the REAL part two of this job for Wakako. I swear, it’s like she had some giant heist planned and told no one. Still, not a complicated gig, but they have better mercs and actually had a netrunner this time. I actually got to try out my camo and chem mod for my monowire.

Very glad I had face covering, would have been fucking nasty otherwise.

Jack’s been quiet since it went down, though he did see me garrot someone without a sound. Logically, he knows what I did in my last job. Logically, he knows I’ve flatlined people on gigs that he was even a part of. I just don’t think he ever pictured me doing that kind of thing. Maybe it’ll help everyone realize that I’m not helpless nor am I innocent.

To be fair, this is not what ten year old me talked about on career day. I’ll talk to him later, want to clear the air if I can. I know he’s taken on this older brother mentality, but I’m actually older than he is. I can’t help what pedestal he’s put me on, but I can see where his ‘little sister’ getting her hands dirty might be unnerving.

Either way, it’s not my fault, but I do have to address it.

Time to get back to work, I have some tasks I need to take care of before the next sunrise.


	15. Chapter 15

It’s been a while since I’ve been to an actual laundromat. No more going to Heywood to handle my laundry--not after Mama Welles started with her mess. She will never change her tune about me and motherhood. She came so fucking close to weaponizing Lydia against me and I’m still fucking pissed. Part of em wonders if she hopes Jackie and me will hook up and birth her a blood grandchild.

Because she doesn’t like Misty even if it’s clear Jackie adores her. Those two are gonna get hitched and probably have four cats and a single child who can read tarot before they’re even in school.

I say this to avoid the thought of doing anything romantic or physical with Jackie as it makes my skin fucking crawl in hideous ways. If we are ever classified as family, Jack’s my brother, no ands, ifs, or buts about it.

Which leads me to now: sensory hell because I’m too tired to stand up for myself all the fucking time to someone who thinks they know what I want yet hasn’t bothered to ask. I don’t need that. I know for a fact that I’d give Lydia a childhood she’d need to recover from and it’s not fair.

To me or to her.

Maybe I’ll find a new arrangement and put a stop to this madness. I hope I can--but that would mean another new environment for Lydia and I’m not willing to yank her away with no plan. The alternative is the foster system and fuck that. She’d be better off on the street, which is where she’d end up regardless.

I don’t have her mother’s contact info, but it wouldn’t be difficult to find. Still, she walked out on Lydia when she was a baby--when she needed her most. I’ll never forgive her for that.

I wonder what happens next?

Maybe I’ll find some sugar daddy, or sugar mama, and these problems will vanish once you toss a little money on them. Still not my style, but maybe I could at least find a semi decent input.

Thinking on it, I don’t think Vik is the type to make any sort of move even if he’s interested. Might be worth talking to Misty and her cards. Couldn’t hurt, right?


	16. Chapter 16

One of these days, I’ll learn to write consistently. It’s just not now. Honestly, there hasn’t been anything noteworthy since I was doing angry laundry in Kabuki. The washer was terrible and left this awful chemical smell for weeks. Still, I was stubborn and refused to go to Heywood until Mama and I could calm down about things.

Anyways, little updates in the last six months:

Mama Welles backed off once I started doing more in person work with Jackie. Also told her exactly how I feel about her meddling and that if she wants grandchildren, she should be nicer to Misty. Misty and Jackie are fucking adorable and it’s so gross (but in a good way). It’ll take something major to split those two up. I hope Mama sees that before it’s too late.

I actually enjoy the physical aspects of my job now. Took some getting used to, but I oddly enjoy getting the shit kicked out of me on occasion? Makes me remember that life doesn’t happen in my damn chair. Jackie said there’s something bit in the works, something to do with Dexter Deshawn. Jackie is just happy that this might mean he has to struggle just a little bit less. I hope so too.

Vik has taken me to a few more fights--even bought food a few times. Were they dates? No fucking clue, but I kinda hope they were. He even jumped up in the ring once and it did NOTHING to help my already hopeless crush. That I got to mop him up a bit? Fuck me, I wish he would.

Misty won’t tell me what the cards say with any hint of certainty. Did say to stop by in a week as the new deck should be ‘charged’ by then. I have no idea what that means, but I’m not gonna question it. I’m interested in learning, I can say that without shame.

Speaking of Vik: he did manage to sort of meld a couple of implants together but they don’t wanna play well in a body. Lynx Paws it is! Stealth is way more my style. Who knows, might wander out to nomadland again just to see what can be done.

For now, off to Wakako to collect on a job, then likely run off to another job.


	17. Chapter 17

**FUCKING FUCK SCAVS**

FUCK THEM FUCKING ALL! Fuck, poor Sandra! Poor sorry bastards on the tables and in the fucking tub!


	18. Chapter 18

WELL

In the category of things I never expected to happen, Vik called me. Vik called me and asked if I had plans later. I said I didn’t, which was mostly true. Some simple tasks I can literally do (and did) in the shower.

He said he’d pick me up, I didn’t even know he had a car. Turns out it was a low key green Thorton wagon, probably bought used. It was just so perfectly Vik and I was smiling like an idiot when he stuck his head out of the car and told me to stop smirking, we were holding up traffic.

Out towards Pacifica we went, as is our habit, but it’s usually me driving. With all this newfound free time, I started noticing things: the lack of music, the duffle bag in the back seat, how comfortably he was dressed, and the new and crisp wrappings on his knuckles and around his fingers. He was dressed like he was going to fight, so I asked him.

AND THIS GUY RESPONDS, LIKE IT’S NO BIG DEAL “Sure am. Can’t step in the ring without my goodluck charm.” I swear my cyberdeck shorted out right there and then. I thought he was gonna have to pull over and do an emergency surgery!

“Thought I was the reason you had a bald spot, Vik.” I heard myself say. It was like I couldn’t not be an asshole for five seconds. I was fucking relieved when he laughed. He went quiet, smiling even though traffic was a fucking nightmare.

“So… I’m your goodluck charm?”

“Don’t push it.”

Fuck, I never wanted this car ride to end. We just left it like that in utterly comfortable silence that I could have existed in forever. But even Night City traffic has to end sometime and before I knew it, we were at that damned mall again. Sure, I’ve wanted to climb in the back of a car with Vik for years now, but I had a fight to watch.

To be perfectly honest, I’ve never been quite that invested in a fight. Coming here and watching them with Vik has been amazing, but that’s something we do together, if that makes sense. It just wouldn’t be the same without him here. The same can be said for him actually being in the ring.

This was Vik, MY VIK, getting punched in the face and taking what looked like a fucking hailstorm of blows until he saw his opening and hit the guy harder than I’d ever seen anyone hit in my fucking life. Holy fuck, I felt bad for the guy, but he kept going. Then Vik would get another hit in, defend, hit… It went on for three rounds before the guy was finally laid the fuck out on the mat.

Naturally, I was screaming my head off the whole time--I didn’t even fucking notice Jackie and Misty beside me until the second round when she (very helpfully) gave me a bottle of water so I wouldn’t completely lose my damn voice.

It was just so hard to wrap my head around the fact that this fucking pit viper was Vik, the ripperdoc with all the quips, sass, and skills to back it all up. When he was finally declared the winner by knock out, I was fucking shaking. Most of that was how proud I was of him, the rest was just sheer adrenaline from a fight I wasn’t even in. He had this amazing smile, so wide, he was laughing even though he had blood in his mouth. Standing there, watching him, I don’t think I’ve ever wanted to kiss someone more in my life.

Thankfully, I got the chance later. We were back at the clinic, door was barely closed and just I just went for it--and for once, Line Holliday didn’t fuck it up! I’m so glad I did because I don’t think he ever would have made a move beyond those tiny little flirts that could be written off as him being a big teddy bear.

That’s why I’m writing this entry from definitely not home. Because if I had to pick someone to have a cup of coffee with in the morning, Viktor Vector is at the top of my list.


	19. Chapter 19

Life got busy again, but I’m not mad about it. Settling into a new relationship and it’s just nice. Nothing has really changed other than us being open about how we feel and actually acting upon it. Jackie and Misty are adorable--Misty is quiet, respectful, and happy about me and VIk. Jackie? May or may not have gotten pummeled in a practice session. He likes to tease, sometimes too much. I asked him about the potential gig for Dex and it’s definitely ‘soon’.

At the moment, I’m just content to take my time. I see Vik almost every day and while I’d happily spend my days working in the clinic, that’s a) not how I earn and b) I’m not willing to lose myself, regardless of how long I’ve wanted this.


	20. Chapter 20

Finally got the spec on this magical mystery gig. It’s a heist, not a simple kelp and go. I have intel to gather and equipment to procure. I’ll be clear: I don’t like Dex. He managed to run off and lay low until the smoke cleared for his last gig over two years ago. I managed to find one of the mercs he hired for the job. Poor guy couldn’t tell me much but he was homeless and struggling so hard with a busted cyberdeck. I dropped him off with a ripper and asked if there was anything he could do for him. He and I talked while the doc worked, it was a circular conversation but he kept mentioning the ‘quiet life’ over and over again. Quiet life or blaze of glory. That’s what Dex asked me.

This gig is going to change things, I’m just not sure how--but I’m afraid they’ll go more one way than the other.

I have homework from Dex but I have work on my own as well. I’ll be damned if I let Dex add Jack and me to his ever growing pile of bodies.

Intel and equipment.

Then to go bother my boyfriend--and by bother, I really mean “be surly until he bear hugs me into submission and I tell him what’s on my mind.”


	21. Chapter 21

Jack noticed I was on edge. It’s this job--it’s too good, too simple. I can’t shake the feeling that it’s going to go to hell.

So he cracked open a beer and said in that deep voice of his “Hermana, you gotta learn to let it go. I know you couldn’t before so you need to find a way to let all that tension out.”

Naturally, I made osme joke abut not being able to fuck that long or hard, but he was serious. More than I’d ever seen him. Tossed a paperback at me: For Whom The Bell Tolls. Told me to give it a read, he does before every job. Also said I should visit my dad’s niche. I haven’t been since I bought it for him, I just didn’t want to go. Buuuut Jackie has a way of making you do things you need to do but don’t want to. He offered to drive me, but I said I’d be fine.

So I drove up there and went and read by dad’s niche. Byron Ives Holliday. Loving father. I put a picture of all three of us in there. I have no memories of my mother, neither does Lydia. That picture was one of the last we took as a family. I had a day off, dad felt well enough, and Lydia cooperated for us to get a formal portrait done. It felt like it would last forever, just the three of us.

Then shit happened. So much shit. My old boss has a niche here too, all scratched up--I spit on it. At least he got what was coming to him.

After that, I went and sat by the niche and read. Then I started talking to him. Then I kept talking. I must have sounded like a crazy person--in the middle of the fucking night no less!

I spent most of the night there. Reading and talking. Talking and reading.

I told dad about how I felt, how hard it was since he died, how I wasn’t built to raise Lydia and that I still feel guilty over giving her to Mama Welles, how much I miss the corp life, even if it was killing me. I knew the rules and I’m still finding my feet. On and on this went until I just felt empty. Then I cried, even if I still can’t say why.

When the sun was just starting to come up, I called Vik, he gets up early. I asked if I could come see him. This is all so new and I was in such a strange state, I wanted permission just to see my boyfriend. I still feel stupid about it.

But there’s a reason I’m sitting on that old beat up couch in the clinic with coffee and a blanket. He’s a good guy. I hope I don’t fuck this up. He’s too good for me, I wonder if he knows that.

Better I get this all out now, before this gig that looks so right yet feels all wrong.


	22. Chapter 22

Spent the day and night with Vik and it felt different. I was vulnerable and he wasn’t about to leave me alone with my thoughts. He’s such a good man and I’m so grateful for him. We did our usual: take out and a few beers, bullshitting… Except it was me doing the bullshitting. He just let me talk and talk until I couldn’t anymore. I needed it.

It’s the most open I’ve been with him to this point. I told him about how part of me missed the corpo grind because I knew the rules and I was good at them. How I felt like a failure because I couldn’t be arsed to raise my own sister, even if I had some very good reasons for not taking on her care. I told him about the work I did before, the kind of person it made me into.

And he just let me do it.

When it was all over, he just pulled me over on the couch and just held me. He asked if that was why I was feeling so off lately. That I somehow felt unworthy with my ‘failings’... And yeah, I had to admit that. I wonder if this is what going to confession feels like?

He said he liked me just fine and that I wasn’t a failure for acknowledging and respecting my own personal limits.

I really hope I don’t fuck this up. Took us two years to get to the dating point then another six months to get to this level of honesty.

I still think he deserves better than a merc, but like he said--it’s his call. He even got super serious and for a second, it actually scared me. His eyes are totally 100% natural and so blue you’d think they were picked off a CMYK wheel. I swear to whatever higher power is listening that this man looked right into my soul and told me that I don’t get to decide what he does or does not deserve nor do I get to decide what he wants.

And what he wanted in that moment? Was to watch a movie with his girl.

So we watched a Bushido rerun.


	23. Chapter 23

Prepwork is done. Everything still feels off. Jackie’s pumped, nothing will ever slow his roll. I’ve spent a lot of time riding in the badlands just to let off some steam and get some miles on me. Got my hands on an Apollo and the Aldecaldos were kind enough to paint it with their colors. They said it would be bad for business if their best customer died on their watch--which is 100% accurate. I routinely go out there for new cyberware ideas and quickhacks. If it passes a nomad inspection, it’s good in my book.

As for the question of Arch or Apollo? I’ll take my Apollo over Jackie’s Arch any day of the week.

I like riding in the badlands, gives me space to breath and to think. I do some of my best thinking on my bike. That’s how I came up with the idea of getting armored suits from Jingugi--that’s standard corpo wear and will give us the type of protection that blends in at Konpeki.

While I was out, I got a text from Dino about a Ragnar he had for sale. After market modded Militech model with a black and red paint job. For a hot minute, I thought about it--it would make an excellent mobile command center so I can netrun and Jackie can drive.

THEN I started thinking about how much room it has and just how comfortable Vik would actually be in a car that he fit in. God love the man but he’s stubbornly holding onto this old wagon that looks held together with bumper stickers. He’d never accept a car, but he couldn’t say no to riding around in a car I own.

Might float the idea of taking him camping after this job is over and the heat has passed. Drive North and hug the coast until we hit Oregon where it’s still nice and cool most of the year. That sounds nice. A good goal.


	24. Chapter 24

Note to self: having too much free time before a gig is not a good thing for me. I haven’t been able to fully shake this bad feeling so I’m laying out what would happen if I backed out now:

Jackie would still go through with it, possibly die. Probably die, who am I kidding.

My rep would be shot to shit and I wouldn’t have a choice but to leave Night City and pray said rep didn’t follow me.

I’m not backing out, just reminding myself of what would happen if I did.

It’s decided: once the smoke clears, I’ll see if Dino still has the Ragnar and I’m dragging Vik on a camping trip.

Like I said--it’s a good goal. I can hear the theoretical bitching now. It’s fucking glorious!


	25. Chapter 25

It’s late, but I just wanted to write a bit before getting some sleep. Tomorrow is the last full day before the job, meeting with Jackie, conferring with T-Bug, making sure the expensive custom suits actually fit, convincing Jackie to at least try wearing a tie… Lost cause, but we’ll make it. Plenty of stranger looking bulls than him in the corpo world. Him and his bun wouldn’t stir a ripple.

But for the moment, I’m just gonna gush about this amazing boyfriend I’ve got.

Vik came over with honest to god groceries and we cooked a real at home dinner, no takeout, nothing premade. It’s been so long--like back in Heywood long. He thought a real night in was just what I needed, no fancy barely edible rich bitch cuisine. A couple of steaks, potatoes, carrots, and broccoli (some good nutrition to keep me going he said). Topped off by my favorite stout. I like some wine but there’s something inherently good about a beer with someone you love.

There’s that word again. Love. I’ve been in relationships before. I’ve even told them I loved them. It didn’t feel like this. He makes me want to be better, be worthy. Sure, he inspires the kind of lust that makes me feel like bursting into flames is the cooler option, but it’s more than that.

We ate dinner with some nice chill music and out of nowhere, this man stands up and offers me his hand. He asked me to dance and I just about fucking melted. He’s so much taller than me but I love it. Without getting into too much detail, I can say this was the most romantic date of my life.

He felt so warm and smelled so good. Before I knew it, he was kissing me and it was like I short circ’d. This man makes me feel things I’ve only seen on tv.

What did I do to deserve him?

I’m going back to bed now. He snores a bit but I don’t care. I just want to enjoy this last night before.

Before the job.

Love you, Viktor Vector.

If anything goes wrong, I want that written somewhere.

I, Line Holliday, being of rosy mind and thoroughly sexed body make this statement as I know it to be true. I love you Vik. See you soon.


	26. Chapter 26

I wish I had listened to myself. I wish I had listened to everyone who told me to be careful. I wish I had made Jackie listen.

The job.

It went bad. So fucking wrong. How were we supposed to know the goddamned Emperor was gonna show up out of fucking nowhere? No. Not nowhere. He was there to take the relic back and Yorinobu… Fuck.

How the fuck were we supposed to know?

I should’ve backed out when Evelyn told me Yorinobu was selling the relic to netwatch. Should have grabbed Jack by the bun and dragged him out and away. This was so much bigger than us and I fucking ignored every bad feeling I had, nothing but eddies in my fucking eyes and the chance to not have to struggle so fucking much. Maybe we’d still be whole.

Why did I think Saburo was ever gonna let his prize tech go? Fucker got out of hibernation just for this. Then his son murdered him. Right in front of us. Just squeezed the life out of him like a goddamned grape.

Knowing what I know now?

I’d have never agreed to meet with Dex in the first place. I’d have shot him dead then and there and thrown a grenade at the tacky Jefferson just to be sure.

Parker. There’s more there, I know there is. Who was she working for? What else was she hiding? How the fuck does a doll get this kinda gig? She’s smart, wasted talent in the doll houses, but if someone put her on this path, I want to know who.

Need to sleep. Head hurts.


	27. Chapter 27

Been having strange dreams. Feel like I’m just trying to catch up because they don’t  feel like dreams. Can’t make sense of it all, don’t want to. Head hasn’t stopped hurting. Expected? Or was that a dream too?

Focus, Line. You’ve got this. Take it slow. Focus on what you know.

Did prep. Met with Jack. Got dressed in expensive suits. Went to Konpeki. Got into the penthouse. Got the relic.

Saburo showed up. Talked about Yorinobu selling their greatest work to western barbarians. Netwatch? Yorinobu killed him. Strangled him.

Hotel went on lockdown.

We tried to run for it.

AV shot at us.

Fell.

Case damaged in fall.

Jack slotted the chip into his neural port, Parker said to.

Fought our way out.

Jack was hurt. Had to hack the cab, reroute through Little China.

Called Vik.

Jack put the chip in my neural port.

Threw him out.

Met Dex alone.

Dex…

Dex fuckin’ killed me. Threw me away. Was under trash and scrap. Relic restarted me. Not sure how. Too much I don’t know.

Dex is dead. Saw the bodyguard shoot him. Just mad I didn’t get the chance. Doesn’t matter, not really. Came to in his car, he was hurt, car shot to hell. Hit squad was sent after us, no witnesses. We won. Made it to Vik.

Fuck, I’m afraid to check my fucking messages now.

I don’t know how long I’ve been in my apartment. I don’t even know if Jackie made it.

My last entry was more focused but I don’t even remember writing it. Maybe I just don’t want to, my brain’s way of trying to protect me from too much all at once. I can’t back down from it, can’t back away.

The dream about the stage and the bomb in the tower wasn’t a dream. It was a memory and I need to hammer that home as hard as possible. They were some of the last memories of Johnny Silverhand. I know it, I saw his face in a mirror and you can’t mistake him for anyone else. Not once you’ve been in any market in town or the fucking Afterlife. Vik confirmed it.

That look he gave me…

I’m dying and there’s nothing he can do about it. For once, Vik is not the man with the plan. He’s at a loss and it’s over someone he cares about. I hate that. I had the insane urge just to end things, still do. How the fuck can I not want to put distance between us when my fate is all but sealed? And quickly, how long is dependant upon two bottles of horse pills.

Misty made a pendant out of the bullet Vik dug out of my skull. Had anyone else fished it out, I’d wear it. When I look at it, all I can think about is what Vik went through when he was trying to keep me from flatlining a second time. I just can’t.

Sent Vik a message just to let him know I’m still alive and awake. Nothing back yet.   
  
What a way to fuck up, Line. Can just put “I tried” on my fucking niche.

**FUCK!!!**

I’m going back to sleep. Hurts less than the messages I’ve missed. Definitely less than the ones I haven’t.


	28. Chapter 28

Having trouble keeping track of time. Memory keeps coming and going in fragments. Mostly been home, listening to my records. Trying to will myself to heal. This is likely the reason my memory is fuzzy, just been a lot of days like this. Too many. Misty has been by. Vik hasn’t and it fucking burns. 

Bless Misty. She’s been coming before and after work. Says he and I need time to process everything and she’s right, but I just yelled myself into fainting. 

I’m dying. The relic is stuck in my head and there’s no way to remove it without killing myself. Permanently. The only reason I’m not rotting in that landfill or being tinkered with in some Arasaka lab is because of the relic—it restarted me and helped me with a lot of damage. The bodyguard was supposed to deliver me to Yorinobu but I wouldn’t want witnesses either. 

Vik… oh Vik. I get it, but I need you so badly—but you need me too. You saw the inside of my skull and dug a bullet out. That’s traumatic for strangers. I don’t want to imagine how it feels with someone you care about. 

I’ve started to call him a dozen times and just don’t know what to say. I feel bad leaning on Misty, but she’s so sweet. Nothing has been said about Jackie and that’s yet another thing I’m afraid to ask about. Maybe if I go to sleep now I’ll wake up and be less of a fucking coward.

Unlikely, but I can hope, right?


End file.
